Not that I thought your boyfriend was a phile
But the whole crossing guard thing? Weird.
Where??
Against the wall. In corner. Only gave him head though don't worry
I mean, he's dancing back and forth between pathetically sad and massively fucking creepy.
I feel so much closer to you now that I heard your poop splash into the toilet.
Turns out vomit takes off spray tan.
i would think by now you'd realize that my penis does whatever the fuck it wants and i have no control over the situation
someone was throwing condoms at us.
no, they just magically show up around you.
apparently it's a turnoff if you ask a guy why he thinks he needs to use magnums
so i guess now we know you can get away with peeing mere feet from the Capitol if you shout IM PREGNANT at the guards
Well it's a moot point because I did have a sink & I peed in it.
Please tell me last night did not happen and there is another reason why my phone smells like ranch sauce ahahah
His pillow talk sucks. It was like Mr. Roger's vagina.
You yell at me for giving you beer but not for licking spilled beer off your chest.
My roomate had an hour long melt down about her life choices not realizing I was in the middle of having sex... So yea it went pretty horribly.
It's now officially the Christmas season, so I have no shame in drinking evernog.
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