Random fact of the day: cum is a really good eye makeup remover
It was one of those "since we're naked anyway" type situations
She tried to kill herself by taking a whole packet of panadol. I mean HELLO THAT'S ME EVERY SUNDAY MORNING.
Also: how drunk is your brother? He just left me a message as batman.
You should offer shots at parent teacher conferences..I bet more ppl come
and you stopped teaching...why?
It's legal now for me to leave my boyfriend and marry you.
I'm currently looking through google images of circumsized penises and realizing how vital pre-marital sex is.
Meh. People are people bro. All of us are hairless psychotic apes. Happy 420.
We found him in the backyard throwing shoes onto the roof yelling "WHO BRINGS CROCS TO A HOUSE PARTY?!"
They just showed up to the party with a shopping cart full stolen of naty ice cans, no boxes, just cans. Shit just got real !
Would nail polish remover take gorilla glue off my nipples? We had a strange night.
I just found 20 dollars in my vibrator box. Was it a drunken sign to myself to get more?
She was trying to be sexy well putting on my condom with her mouth when her cat pounced from the corner of the room witch caused her to gasp and inhale the condom
You walked in with a bag of weed and asked for a watermelon. For some reason they actually gave you one, and you made it into a perfectly working bong. Two of them offered their girlfriends to you for the night.
OH DEAR GOD IT GOT IN MY MOUTH AGAIN HELP
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