I think my emotional moodswings have reached a new low. I cried for the entire duration of changing my tampon.
I'm starting a business if you want to get involved
oh boy
Its called Cut N Tugs, haircuts with happy endings
it's one of those mornings where you are proud of yourself just for waking up.
I woke up hugging a loaf of bread and a water bottle this morning
My face left an imprint in the loaf...
she keeps giving me cups of everbeer.. its everclear and beer mixed. i guess its blackout or backout time
I really want to shower but i'm afraid i'll sober up. My mouth feels like a stripper pole too...
Can we go to Home Depot next week? Drunk Kim broke my toilet with a hammer.
I hugged the bouncer as we left.
Andy was trying to screw his door shut from the inside so no one could get in.
i think ive reached a prime reproductive point in my life or somethin- i see gingers and all i want to do is have their babies. like my body knows that i have a to carry on a legacy
It's like an adderall Houdini. Right when you think you have a deal he disappears
What a better way to celebrate that I'm single by becoming a stripper and making $1000 in one night
I can't believe I watched you put a tampon in in the parking garage
Every morning should start with 2 orgasms and a shoulder massage
He nicknamed his dick "the fountain of youth" I think it's time to move on...
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