I would go down on you faster than GM stock
I bought a bottle of 100 proof for the storm. I am going to drink until I pass out. I'm taking bets. 1:30 pm is the over/under.
The pregnant Hooters waitress told me to "make good choices".
Is asking my 8-year-old brother if he will make us shot glasses in his ceramics class too far?
The entire time I'm blowing him she's in the back seat lecturing me on the reasons why you're not suppose to do that while they're driving...
I blew him while he was standing up and he drooled on my head
He was just lying on the living room floor watching Star Wars with six empty pack of cigarettes and two empty cases of beer.
In his defence I guess I did take the bed, couch and dining room set in the breakup.
She keeps feeding me drugs. Its like I'm her baby bird or something
I did not get laid last night bc my condoms were too small. I'm allowed to be dreary
I'm just going to eat my milkshake, watch teen wolf, masturbate, and lament my inability to form meaningful relations with men who aren't gay
The dysfunction is strong in this one.
Why is there a whip in the kitchen?
I'm gonna adopt her diet plan of secretly sleeping w a desperate ex... It combines excersise & loss of appetite due to guilt
I was literally so lonely last night that I stopped watching a video on porn hub and just read the comments
Are you hungover?
No. I'm hiding under my covers and hoping it doesn't find me.
Randomize
