It really wasn't that bad. Well, it was pretty bad, but only in 3 second bursts.
Today I realized that I've had whole drunk relationships with people. And sober me has and wants no part in it.
Emee failed...She used my genitals as a tampon
When he brought me into his room he showed me his James Bond calendar and matching sheets, and then told me that his goal in life is to be James Bond….epic fail. Mission Impossible. I was scared to take off his boxers to find out that they were also James Bond themed.
RUN LIKE YOUR JAMES BOND
If im going to fail a midterm I might as well be drunk while I do it
What is an appropriate "thanks for saving my life" gift? I don't have any experience with this.
4pm update. Theres smashed cake inside my duffel bag, a vodka bottle in the dish drainer, and the most productive thing ive done is make 40 pigs in a blanket
let's just say if he has a penis and he hypothetically needs to put it somewhere... i would take care of that for him.
you said candy land and then passed out.
ps. we found your stash in the candyland game. Thanks.
im that hungover where parking at red lights has to be done
Ran into his sister at the gym and hit it in the parking lot. I dont even feel like a bad friend she got a boob job and lost 20 lbs its not even the same sister
The landlord wasn't even off the porch yet and she was packing a bowl, I can't imagine a better best friend
Knowing there are different types of spiders in different countries and regions makes me never want to travel.
Dude, seriously, fucking stop introducing me as "Thomas, with the dick piercing." you are the worst wingman ever.
After we had sex he went to the kitchen, came back with a bag of funyuns and ate them buck ass naked in his bedroom doorway. Had no idea how to react to that one.
Randomize