I'm at his house. He has VELCRO shoes. I'm too desperate to leave...I may need help in thee life dept
Words of Wisdom: ordering a pitcher of whiskey cokes, putting a straw in it, and calling it your drink is not socially acceptable
I don't even know how sober sex starts anymore
You do realize it's a Tuesday, right?
You do realize I stopped giving a fuck about calendars when I was 10, right? And besides, it could be the best Tuesday of your life.
it's like i can feel the ghost of his dick still inside me
Why are there maracas in the dishwasher?
Hypothetical question: how bad would bacardi be as an IV drip?
death...100% death...what r u planning.
Just successfully went through airport security with shrooms. It's gonna be a fucking awesome new years
He was all like, "I've prayed every single day just for one more night with you."
Omg just give him a quick handy and walk out.
I ended up naked with smirnoff caps on my nipples. Dignity is now a completely foreign concept to me.
you were stumbling down richmond carrying a girl in a nurse costume. its not even halloween dude
I have a high opinion of you, you smash bitches. Respect.
So, left this guys house wearing a #1 Grandpa shirt and I think this is the best sex score I've ever had.
My sweat smells like Wild Turkey. I'm really feeling the holiday spirit.
If I get laid tonight it will 1.) Prove that the sex gods do in fact exist, and 2.) Show that I am one motherfucking badass bitch.
Randomize
