you could play connect the dots with the people ive fucked in this room
Outside the community dumpsters: beer bottles and a carton of orange juice. Looks like we were here.
You were plastered and wouldn't stop telling this hot girl about your plan to graffiti a church in easter colored spray-paint saying that Jesus was a Zombie... she kept saying her father was a pastor...
I just walked by that girl who tried to commit suicide over me in high school. That was weird.
I have hooked up with someone in EVERYONE OF MY CLASSES.
That's how you know you deserve to be a senior
Just saw a drunk guy clapping and cheering for a chipmunk climbing up a tree. Classic
Day #3 of being the only sober person at the bar. This is depression.
Dave when you find that upper decker at your house its from me but its for Jill not you
I just bought 7 working mopeds off a guy for $300. We are 60% of the way to our gay biker gang dream.
I feel like he better crank it up to level RG IV tomorrow. It's the fucking playoffs.
Probably TMI here but I just rubbed one out while listening to thunderstruck, almost ripped my dick off.
This is stupid. I am not getting knocked up from fucking in his backseat behind a starbucks. I refuse.
So I'll bring my machete and we can smoke your shit.
Out of context, that is a hilariously scary message.
What's rude is him not accepting my blowjob offer. What kind of guy denies that.
There's a big difference between a penis and a toilet.
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