the awesomeness of being snowed in wore off after we ran out of beer and we realized we really didnt want to be stuck with everyone.
I walked in on you eating olive oil off of a plate. you gave me this look and I just started crying. we were that drunk.
how the hell did this chicken wing end up in my cast?!
Between my vibrator and my iPhone carpal tunnel is inevitable.
Listen. I don't care if its "nontoxic" im not putting it in my fucking vagina.
don't say the first was when I crawled under into the dressing room
I just realized I consumed seven different types of alcohol this weekend. And I'm only counting jungle juice as one of those. How the fuck did I not die?
I knew it was on when he was dancing on stage and I gave him a dollar so in return he ripped my tit out of my shirt and started sucking on it IN THE MIDDLE OF THE BAR.
I drank butter last night, who am I to judge?
I had to help some 40 year old women shoot down some 21 year old who called her his "milf fantasy"
Dude imagine how many pictures of dicks Obama gets. That can't be unusual. Almost every kids in the US has written the president a letter.
I'm going to be drunk and braless all weekend. Let the festivities begin!
My hot gay tattoo artist grew a beard and I'm not taking it well.
Wait you actually sent a text to your self saying “love you I miss you"?
There's a big ass bed, hella ecstasy, and I can guarantee you'll regret every second that you remember.
Randomize
