i met a boy and i'm in lovvvvveeeeeeee and we're going to vegas and getting marrrrrriiiieeeeedddddd!
let's be honest with each other here, that's about the worst idea you've ever had. you need to walk this one off.
Driving out to Plano is like driving away from your twenties
life lesson learned today: sleeping pills and laxatives don't mix.
Watching a deaf couple have an argument in the mall. Can't bring myself to look away.
The Firefighter Games are going to be in Tampa the same weekend I am. I think God is answering my vagina's prayers.
Girl passed out in class and vomited. Another victim of syllabus week
You cant carve pumpkins without vodka. It's a Halloween tradition.
After he finished going down on me he came up from under the covers, threw his hands into the air and shouted "take that lesbians!" and finished with "and we have dicks!"
I don't feel bad about fucking old guys. That's what I want. It's what I likeeeeee.
A little boy in a bathroom stall just shouted "mom where's your penis?? Is it inside you?"
What if everything solid was made of oreos and everything liquid was wine
I just got chills
Cleaning naked can be dangerous. Vacuum cord got stuck on my belly button ring...
There now exists video of me holding a (recently emptied) bottle of Russian Standard vodka, trying to sing the Russian national anthem.
You got banned for life from a $30 a night motel. What are you doing with your life?
No fucking Jell-O shots or meth. Those are the rules
Randomize
