This sounds like "Sober" Ericka. Sorry that message wasn't for you. I only do business with "Fell off the wagon" Ericka. Please pass that message along to her.
I should just tell him this. He doesn't need to be all nice and ask me on dates and to do gay stuff like hangout during the day. I'll still sleep with him regardless.
just found gum connecting my sunglasses to my floor board. you don't want to know where else it was.
That's the second time in a week someone has called me to talk drunk you into getting up off the floor. This needs to stop.
If you have a glass table... Put it up. I don't wanna hurt myself again, I just got my stitches out...
Sorry we couldn't "turn off the mirrors." How're you feeling today?
Like I've never seen her that drunk. She's usually like quiet and doesn't say she'll fuck someone on a futon
you kept saying "i will not *breathe* regret this *breathe* in the morning *breathe* i just gotta remember *breathe* to BREATHE"
Ways to ruin a one night stand: the guy finds your parenting magazine on your dorm room desk.
I don't know whether to laugh it off or be pissed at him..I got pulled over this morning leaving his place and the officer thought my hickeys were hand prints around my neck and asked if I needed to be escorted out of town.
Well. I had to explain to my niece that the word cunt is not an abbreviation for country. I'm the best aunt in the world.
IN OTHER NEWS did you guys see Orlando Bloom's penis today? I did
He's literally cuddling with the washer and dryer.
Did you mark a random day on my calendar as National Seth Day?
Sounds like a legit day to me.
Ok, there are marshmallows shaped like elephants
Randomize
