just did a line in a complete hula outfit off a chick in a devil costume. do you think hell will be this good?
The tricky part is not getting sand in any orifices. Or is the plural orifi? Orifi don't, we'll both be unhappy...
there was a sad and surprising lack of "did strippers and blow" in that sentence
I was pissing in the urinal at the concert and some drunk chick ran in and yelled 'but the lines to fucking long' then ran out with 10 state troopers chasing her... Yeah
Sounds good! I plan on writing a book entitled: I've Probably Done Cocaine In Your Bathroom. A tell-all by Lauren.
Just realized Ive had sex in or around each thing listed in Green Eggs and Ham besides the fox.
Good for him. He wanted to accomplish walking across niagara, I'm hoping to accomplish not throwing up tomoro nite, we all have our own priorities in life.
I have a new favorite bar game. It's called, get dressed up and go drinking alone then make up random stories of why you are alone to look less like an alc
I just power puked in the office bathroom.. blew blood vessels in my eyes and now I'm ready for a donut.... success
I legitimately thought I was gonna die getting finger banged to ja rule in the back of your car last night.
The last thing I remember is crying and shaking my head as she was putting salt on my hand. I guess I took the shot
Six words: 3rd Degree Burn On My Dick
Molly I still can't believe u puked in that guys hands and still got laid
I'm literally trapped as the little spoon on a mattress on the floor of an unfinished basement with a professional athlete snoring in my hair
My mom purposely got me drunk so I can stay at her house bc "we don't spend enough time together." I blacked out anyway, so we didn't spend time together regardless.
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