I am no longer a man. I just realized I prefer Spongebob to college football.
i told the doctor i drank a college amount of alcohol. judgemental prick
After we finished he asked if I knew if it was a boy or girl. Diet. Starts. Now.
Is it too much to ask that he stop calling me 'titty fuck' in public?
Just found bacon bits in my pocket. Blackout buffet is the best.
the whole story woulnd't be so depressing if i had made out with ANYONE but the piano player.
I just had my first boner in 64 days today....glad to find out my fluids are still pumpin
We smoked before the sunrise hike. I ended up eating a banana and singing Circle of Life as the sun rose over the horizon.
And my parents said I crawled through the house
I don't care what the Chinese zodiac calendar says . . . 2015 is the year of the cock!
THERE IS A MOTHERFUCKING HUMMINGBIRD FLYING AROUND IN OUR HOUSE RIGHT NOW HOW DO I GET IT OUT????
Man I gotta stop stashing shit when I'm high. I just spent 2 hours searching for my bag of pot and eventually found it in fucking a bandaid box.
I may or may not have just had sex in the bed of a pick-up at a drive-in movie theater.
You're a problem for me, dick game too good. In the future when I'm with someone I actually wanna to date, now I'm gonna compare.
I was grinding with girl while I was eating french fries, and she turned around to hook up with me. She ate my fries.
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