So it turns out the white chocolate in the bathroom is actually soap
i don't care who i fucked last night, until im at 43plus im not considering myself slutty
Getting high on the stoop of a brownstone in the middle oh harlem. Doesn't get much more hey arnold than this.
Too late, the blunt's already in my cleavage
Level of drunkenness: just now when I sat down on the toilet, I had to double check to make sure I wasn't sitting on somebody's lap.
The guy in the American Flag bikini was telling the women he was disgusted at the amount of alcohol they weren't drinking. Then it got ridiculous.
How was your weekend?
The sex was so good. It hurts to exist.
He leaned over in the middle of the movie and said "My dick's name is Juan". WHO DOES THAT?
A girl just asked me if we had pregnancy tests and a coworker had to stop me from telling her I was a pregnancy test. THAT is why I don't drink at work.
Glow Paint looked great for the Black Light Party last night, Tonight having a glow in the dark Pizza on my arm, not so much.
HOLY FUCK i just remembered we had bows and arrows and firecrackers last night
and flaming arrows and vodka
how did we not set your garage on fire
I just had to explain my bite marks to my allergy doctor when she gave me my shots...You're the best <3
I realize ur driving andwont read this til u stop, but I'm sleeping in the bed of the pickup. Please don't hit a deer.
My new superpower is making fuckboys disappear!
Bending dicks and egos since 2002
He flipped a shopping cart in the back room and had to leave to make a jazz playlist. If we aren't in love then i don't know what love is.
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