Who keeps a bong in their car??
Kids who graduated high school two weeks ago.
A freshman just referred to Home Improvement as 'tim the tool man show'. People born after 1990 are not people.
From the prices on this menu it looks like I have no choice. I have to blow him.
It was like something out of a fucked up fairy tale. He just crowdsurfed over to her while riding a keg, said "come sail with me", and then the crowd carried them off into the night. What.
She just asked what would happen if you put a vacuum in your butt and turned it on. These are our conversations.
I was unconscious Saturday for like 6 hours after I passed out on the sidewalks of our nation's capital. Thank you America, for bottomless brunch.
well it can jab him in the chin so I am 100% sure he can suck his own dick
Just made a diving catch to save a handle of Fireball falling out of the car. ESPN worthy.
The only rule I'm making for myself tonight is to not drink out of the sink at the bar.
You were a cyclone of alcohol and bad decisions - like a gay Tazmanian devil
In her defense, she didn't know I had a twin brother. Plus, we're even: I banged her sister.
If it involves notarization or the Misfits, I am up to date. Anything else, I know fuck-all.
I'm to the point where I just want to get back at him in a hot man sex tornado way.
Shut up. You had me at killer robots. Your place or mine?
Autocorrect changes "sex" to "sec". I have been so long without it my phone thinks I made a mistake.
Randomize
