I was like, "um, that's my butthole."
I'm giving up shame for lent. Here come the best 40 days and nights of my life.
Tell us when you see the semi truck on fire.
I can't wait til my little brother reaches the point where puking doesn't mean we stop drinking
I just threw out a whole Christmas ham, 12 positive pregnancy tests, 3 empty vodka bottles and by ex boyfriends Latina porn collection in the same garbage bag. The homeless person who goes through the bins tonight knows I have nothing left to loose.
thats because you have standards... and i have a thing for guys that give me free drugs.
He's talking about how great of a find these dollar store condoms were. Help.
When i like your selfie it means one of two things. 1. thats a nice photo, friend. OR 2. I wanna bend you over a table. But youll never know.
You wanted to go find him and we told you to sit down cause you kept stumbling. You yelled " I CAN STAND!! It's the walking part I can't figure out!"
While we were having sex he asked me if I wanted to get wingstop after. I think I found my future husband.
So my POF profile is full of Archer references. Only guys who get them will be getting any response to their messages.
get your sex hands out of my capn crunch
Even though I'm gonna be a felon I'm having fun for time being.
It will pretty much be equal to the feeling I had when you let me hold your dick while you were peeing, or when I graduated high school!
I'm classy like audry Hepburn. Chugging wine out of the bottle on the way to the club. Shed do that. I know she would.
Randomize
