Hey, go out with us like you promised. You're younger than us and should be able to handle your coke problem with grace.
remember them days when you seriously wanted your mom to marry rev run and we would always talk shit about justine?
joeyyyy why you always taken cheeseburgers from me?!?!?!
why is there a sandwich nailed to the wall
and apparently i was drunk enough to follow up with "I'd let me touch your boobs" ... not my best line.
i hope not, i just know that at one point I was sitting on the bathroom floor eating bugles and crying because i had no one to show that it looked like I had witch nails when i stuck them on the ends of all ofmy fingers.
She gave me a foot massage with her tongue. I think we're both scarred for life.
I need a hobby that doesnt involve alcohol and my tv
I basically get to watch her life fall apart via tumblr updates
He gave me an elaborately handwritten invite (on a bar coaster) back to his place and whispered in my ear 'i have ping pong'. And he said byob. fuck THAT.
He picked up a chick with a line about the price of used cars in Sri Lanka and developing economies. Step it up.
So hungover im counting my own breaths to make sure im not dead. The odds hurt.
I sewed up my pants, stole his girlfriends white shirt, and went to work hungover like a responsible adult.
Alls I wanted was a fun New Years but I end up fingering a geico sales representative on a futon and giving her a ride to work the next morning
It's been two dates and she just invited me to her aunts funeral. I can't even. Who the fuck does that? I need to drink I'm coming to get you in 5
He went down on me for an hour and a half. He needs to get promoted more often.
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