remember when you found twisted pleasure condoms in my parents bathroom? theyre gone.
And we will make penis cookies and eat them suggestively
I think they were cool with it, they should have know if I was the host of the baby shower it was going to involve a keg and jager shots.
i'm sad. The beetle crawled away. I was only trying to get him stoned.
We sang "Whole New World" in harmony and he spun me around. You may now barf from the cuteness.
Let the record show that the first hour of my twenty-first was spent shooting tequila ans discussing the emotional integrity of werewolves.
And I'm stuck at home while my dad's in vegas hanging out with Zach gali... Zach... That guy from the hangover
I'm drunk, laying in bed, eating macaroni salad. I dropped a piece and tried to pick it up with a fork. My cleavage is bleeding and I haven't been laid yet. Heeeyyyy!!!
Do you sleep with the same women I've already slept with on purpose?
Omg I literally just wanna sleep with you right now. Like actual sleep. Not sex. Well maybe. But sleep first
For both our sake, we've decided to ban watching combat sports before sex
Like seriously, I would not be going if there wasn't pizza
Doing the walk of shame from the back of a Jeep to the porta potty it's parked next to while your dad watches is not what you want.
did you make it home?
i'm in a room and it looks like mine :)
hahah close nuff if it isnt
You know your late night booty call was a huge fail when you go back to your car after it's over, and it's still warm.
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