and I asked her"are you allergic to condoms latex like your older sister " she said "Idk this is gonna be my 1time"
While I was banging her, her cell rang. She checked to see who it was, answered it, and moaned, "I'm dumping you."
You filled up my voicemail with a slurred but graphic depiction of how you were humping a fire hydrant.
Teflon bitches. Nothing fucking sticks to this kid, not even a kid. Maury Povitched this shit outta that situation.
hey, being drunk and dumb is my thing. Don't take that away from me.
I'm going to miss hockey season. It was the best excuse to get drunk on a Tuesday night.
For future reference. Do not congratulate the bar tender at oscars she is not pregnant she has just gotten fat u will get a shot thrown in your face
I just puked in my courtyard and dripped toothpaste in my chest hair. You better be getting laid or this drunk is wasted.
I slept through 4/20 and my roommates bought an entire ham that's just sitting in the fridge...
Serious question: does drunken cyber sex with a stranger on omegle count as cheating???
HE BEAT A GUY WITH NOTHING BUT RAZZLE DAZZLE AND HIS FABULOUSNESS
LOL he's a hopeless romantic now? 🤔 I'd say giving him a bj in a freakin softball dugout isn't the most romantic thing but it still happened
I like your optimism Chelsea but I'm not about getting my salad tossed
I brought those bastards cookies so they can deal with my sex noise, fuck them and their roommate asses
Shut up. I hate you. We're doing shots tomorrow. Fuck the consequences.
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