this kid in class is playing minesweeper and just slammed the desk because he lost. thank god were normal.
Wanna go watch Transformers and scream "AMERICA!"? I need a no thought activity
All three women i have fucked in the past week are here in the same bar. Gameface, go.
Gonna go for any of them?
Thursday night girl, but friday is watching and tuesday is serving us.
I think I was using my hair to catch my vomit last night.
You were.
He had seven beers and tap-danced on the table like a pro. HOW DOES HE DO IT
Hey have you ever thought about fishing cause I'd like to go fishing but don't know anyone that fishes and I'm gonna cry because. FISHING
I had to run home with my hands covering my tits this morning. How does this keep happening?
You know, part of me wants to die and the other part of me doesn't want to live
Let's hurry up so I can puke at home instead of my van
Just had a threesome with a married couple.
Stop living my dream.
Turns out, it's impolite to repeatedly request Seal "Kiss From a Rose" at bars
How was your night?
Fell down a flight of stairs. Went to a sex dungeon. Was approached by a man in a leather harness.
Is it bad that if I found out I couldn't have kids I'd be more pissed that I've been using unnecessary condoms than the fact that I'll never be a mother?
I know you can't find me. Somehow I ended up on the roof smoking a cig with the strippers that are on break. Way too drunk to deal with this right now.
Also you think METH is on the same level of wanting to see the movie cats? We’re gonna unpack that later
Randomize
