When I saw him standing at full height, I realized exactly how much his body structure reminds me of his penis.
now i know why i became what i already was.
I cant believe that bitch gave me herpes. she said those bumps were just a part of the natural landscape
wait, did she really refer to her vagina as a landscape?
why are you more concerned about her word choice than the fact that I HAVE FUCKING HERPES
And next time, don't pick a fight with me when you're naked. That's just not fair
I'm shutting down my vagina temporarily...it's like the last two weeks were a going out of business sale...and now it needs a break...
COME GET ME FR THE HOSPIGAL'!!!!!
I'll just be sleeping in this laundry room. Come get me at bar close.
Yeah, my new jeep also came with custom license plates that read 4SKIIN. Not "4 skin" but "4 skiing" thanks mom and dad
Our music was glorious. Maidens were deflowered to the sound of my voice.
I think I'm getting sponsored by the Mexican Drug Cartel for the start of my poker career. It was an interesting night at the bar. One word, Vegas.
I literally just skipped to the fridge when I realized we had enough vodka left to get day drunk
Well I had to use a seat cushion at Soul Cycle today so, yeah, I'd say the sex was good
Would it kill us to punctuate. That last text took me 5 min to read
And the sexual frustration is like I'm wearing a damn horcrux
I AM A SEXUAL NIGHTMARE
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