You're so nebulous sometimes
my brain is sober enough to have a conversation.. but my arms feel nice
walked into a party last night, i saw 3 ex gfs standing in a circle talking to each other...that's the quickest u-turn i've ever made in my life.
my ultimate dream in life is to have sperm so powerful that it will rival that of jim bob duggar.
i was unaware that anal sex sometimes ends with shit on the bed.
Anyone ask you how much a bj cost yet? That shirt is so whorish
Just toasted a glass of brandy with my own reflection to my dimples. Why are you not here?
I wore my underwear in the shower just in case i passed out and you had to come in and get me
Ya I fucked her.. But now Melissa is gonna find out
Just tell her that in a man's never ending war between his heart and his dick... His heart never wins
she tried to handfeed me fritos while yelling "PENIS TRAIN"
You rolled around on the floor, yelled about being a "half-zombie" and bit that guy on the leg who was hitting on me.
MEG JUST LICKED A DRAIN PIPE. DAVE PUNCHED MATT IN THE THROAT. ALL BOUNDARIES ARE DOWN. I REPEAT. ALL BOUNDARIES ARE DOWN.
I was asked last night if Magnum makes a XXL..... I don't think I've ever broken this many condoms in my life
Oh well, he'll live. He has a hand and a penis.
I just got fed by 3 guys. I love my job.
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