butt plug
anus plug
rubbish cock?
yes
you suck at this game today
Mom and Dad are dead. Trust fund
is there an easy way to say "i didnt plan on sleeping with you until i saw how drunk you were" ?
buying booze in bulk is always a bad idea. i wish there was some direct deposit-like system
Oh well. haha. i couldn't really understand what she was saying. i just nodded a lot. i guesss she found that sexy.
gotta love spring break
gotta love slutty girls from the south
she keeps giving me cups of everbeer.. its everclear and beer mixed. i guess its blackout or backout time
Plus I'm pretty sure you said "love you" on the phone, so technically I should be putting you on some type of probation
I dont know it just seems wrong to fuck her on my exes back porch
Oh I'm definitely going to hit on her, there's no question about that. What I meant by playing it cool is I'm not going to mount her on sight.
There is nothing worse than the batteries of your vibrator dying on valentines day
COKE WAS NOT ON THE ITINERARY FOR TONIGHT.
My husband was abducted by a group of disco dancers in the parde and danced off down the street. If you see him, tell him to Hustle on home and clean the cat box. #MardiGras
Accidentally typed message to mom that included word "kink." FML. Played it off as autocorrect from "drink" which was somehow more acceptable
He's stripped out of his boxers and is dancing and slapping his dick with string cheese...I don't know whether to call for help or take a video.
We had sex in Lake Michigan for an hour Sunday.
Thanks for ruining an entire lake for me. I hate you so much right now.
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