So drunk, too bad you don't want this
Great. There's a birthday party at work today. Now I can stand around and feel uncomfortable for an hour.
she pooped in my shower. pooped. woke me up and said she thought she farted but it wasnt a fart i went back 2 sleep and found it hours later. no longer hooking up w chicks my moms age.
your stepbrother is rimming his martinis with coke... keeps saying "thank god its tuesday". where does funemployment end and intervention begin?
My walk of shame was far more interesting today. He's moving and was cleaning out his apartment, so not only was I carrying my clothes, I also walked away with 4 bottles of cheap wine and a jar of ragu.
Just got a blowjob in her closet with two people sleeping outside in the room. I feel like the emperor of college.
In all fairness I didnt see your dick because it was already in her
I pulled my bra outta my purse. Covered in honey mustard. I still lack an explanation.
I only remember singing the Captain Planet theme song on our way to the bars.
Moral of the story: always keep condoms in your bra
Sure go ahead and start this 'business' with him...just don't come crying to me when you have to fake your own death in two years
I'm watching Part of Your World now and I'm crying and I feel like I'm floating right along with her. This. This right here is some drunken Disney Magic
It involves me, my best friend, and a stripper and her mother.
I will not go because I am a man of my word and of my penis.
I just balanced a full glass of chocolate milk on my left boob. Don't think i've ever been more proud.
Randomize
