I think scott just propositioned me for sex
Also we decided you're the person whose going to die at my bachelor party...do the math you're the most logical choice
Someone tried to flush pizza down the toilet. Well, at least tried to
Either I'm spending too much time drinking or my perfume is starting to smell like a pineapple vodka.
We didn't have a blender so we made the margaritas by running over a garbagebag full of ice with the car and then stirring it with a knife in a French-press coffee pot. CAN YOU SAY RESOURCEFUL?
You know it's a good party when even the dealers were too fucked up. Just found and counted 140 E pills I found in a bag in the couch. Just paid for weed this month.
it wasnt even considered partying. it was like "ok, who can get the most shitfaced and not pass out"
Got too starbucks. 3out of the 4 girls working i have ducked and haven't ever called. My coffee has dick written on it. It may contain spit by pumpkin lattes are only once a year
I snorted xanax while wearing reindeer antlers. Prancer gone wild. Have a merry Christmas.
This is the fourth day in a row I woke up with cheetos spread around me in a ritual pattern..this weed is unreal
I actually feel bad for him. He has me as a girlfriend and he's like a saintly cleanly person... And I'm over here telling him to jizz on my back and shit.
Can you come get me? I woke up in the woods behind the Super 8. I have pizza.
It looked like Halloween in bed... BECAUSE HE BIT MY PUSSY AND I BLED ALL OVER THE FUCKING PLACE. THEN HE FELL AND BROKE HIS TOE. AND THEN PASSED OUT WHEN HE SAW ALL OF THE BLOOD.
no i'm going to the dr today, he fucking banshee-shrieked in my ear as he was coming and now i can't hear out of it
How early is too early to start day drinking? Asking for a friend
About five minutes ago. You’re good now.
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