I can practically hear my vag and my conscience fighting.
I awoke in a cab to find myself on a ride to niagara falls. Apparently I paid the cab driver half up front.
all he has to do is look at me on new years and hes getting laid. thats how hot he is
Someone in a vagina costume on campus.
If you're not washing nut sweat off of your forehead this morning I'm disappointed in you
Just took 4 secret shots in his bathroom to not remember him naked.
She called me her guardian angel after I picked her phone up from the river of pee coming from her front porch.
He was just lying on my lap in the backseat screaming how if the cops came he was a blanket.
Wow my largely unnecessary pool of lizard-related knowledge finally came in handy. Are you proud?
I don't know what to say
BRING THE BAGELS
His premature ejaculation problem is getting old.
I DONT HAVE THE SOCIAL SKILLS TO EXPLAIN THAT YOU DIED EATING MY PUSSY
I really regret not asking “like a cupcake” when you asked me to eat your ass
Hi darlin, what are you doing tonight?
.... Things I will not be proud of
Come cuddle! I'll be passed out somewhere in the library. It'll be like a scavenger hunt!
Randomize
