there is no way he can be that small
look on the bright side he'll over comepensate
so I woke up this morning and on their fridge, the first item on the shopping list was my virginity.
OMFG BINX FROM HOCUS POCUS IS MCGEE IN NCIS!!!!!!!! most. epic. realization. ever.
i just turned the eviction notice into a beer pong list
So he told me he didn't have a condom, paused, and then said "so, pulling out" and tried to high five me.
i woke up in the fire place with a lighter in my hand. if i would have died the night would have made up for it.
It's a lightpost hitting you in the head. Of course it's going to hurt the day after.
Well... When your girlfriend fucks your sister, the 2 week courtesy window goes out the door.
Today is going to be the longest game of "was that a fart, or do I need to go wipe?" I have ever played. Maybe the most challenging too.
How can someone be so bad at fingering? It's such a simple concept
Let's celebrate that I used a condom
Yeah, I'm sure we have time for sex AND ihop.
It's not safe here. I had urgent and violent diarrhea last night, and I got blackout drunk. Please don't come over.
unless you want this visit to have a different tone... more romantic, less molly in a hotel room
I want a musical about memes.
Randomize
