His pick-up line from last night: "I bet you cant climb these stairs right now." Needless to say.. it worked.
Dood you jacked it to warcraft. you can't come back from something like that
I seriously dont think i have ever ridden a horse sober.
I spent an hour trying to convert bar outfits to church outfits. Its hard.
Nothing kills the mood when I am hooking up on the dance floor like the DJ saying Happy Valentines.
well as your friend its only fair to offer my cock for your services. Cause I care.
you duct taped a twenty to your thigh just in case and passed out.
If you see my mugshot on the news tomorrow, its not what you think
Well it's a moot point because I did have a sink & I peed in it.
Apparently, the Mormons have taken over airports. I was told by a befuddled looking clerk I couldn't buy a beer with breakfast before 6am.
Hired a new intern today and we have something in common. I blew her boyfriend in high school. Do you think she knows?
He stopped in the middle of us banging in order to check in for his Southwest flight.
he told me that I'm basically going to be the mom of the house when they move in...i like to see it as being a MILF without the responsibility of real children
She was pretty impressed that I led all thirty of us back to campus in my state of drunk. Evidently so impressed that she now refers to me as "Moses" in bed.
I just got out of the shower and I feel like I just washed off 10 lbs of bad decisions...
Randomize
