You think the Elephant Man ever tried to pick up chicks claiming all his appendages were elephant-sized?
Got 6 blowjobs in one weekend... new personal best.
I mean, I'm all about sharing, but when he tells me about his wet dreams about Oprah, I think it's taking it too far.
He yelled "juice on the loose", yes i am sure i need plan b
Helped an old lady on crutches throw away her mcdonalds, carried her stuff to the car and helped her get in...most productive cinco de mayo hands down
I imagine I kinda look like a banana with one boob out.
Oh my goodness please please please my inner slut needs some pampering, shes getting rusty and nothings worse than a rusty slut
I think mark twain said that originally
Dude, you vomitted into a trashcan wearing your bear hands and high heels. Your drug dealer even said that was rough.
I beer bonged before it even hit 4 o' clock. Please get on my level homecoming style.
I'm still getting random messages from guys about my Halloween outfit. Electrical tape is coming back next year
I'm adopting to save the world from the moral outrage that would be my offspring
I've never had sex that lasts this long though. It's ridiculous. I feel like I need a Gatorade and a sweatband and a sub.
Those people that talk about exercise endorphins have never experienced a 9x13 pan of mac n cheese endorphins
It's 2 am on the long weekend and what am I doing? Sitting alone in my room eating chips and queso and watching Rio. Fuck I need to get laid.
I just saw a guy walking up the stairs with his dick out his pants. I let him know, and he just looked down in shock, laughed, and continued walking up the stairs.
Randomize
