Fuck appropriateness.
you got so mad from losing a game of beerpong that you went into another room by yourself and practiced for an hour and a half.
There's a show on the Discovery Channel about T-Rex sex. I think this just made my life.
If a young child walked up to you and grabbed your penis, you'd feel violated too.
The staff doesn't like it when you try and take your wheelchair for a joy ride since I've been waiting for an hour and a half.
I've already started drinking so the earlier you get out of class the more coherent I'll probably be.
Dude. I am seriously trying SO hard not to be amused by Honey Boo Boo. But the fact is, she just got a mani pedi with her gay uncle Poodle, and he got a discount because he only has nine toes, and I am ALL IN.
Need to spend sober time with him while fully clothed. I can't decide if he's a seriously amazing man or a complete fucking dickbag.
This is me not judging you for what a fine line you draw between the two.
On a scale of zero to "unmitigated disaster," how drunk is he?
True love: he brought me a margarita while was in the shower. He's a keeper.
What do you take me for? I'm not trying to lure you into bed with stories of my dead aunt.
Dude I swear I'm scooping human shit out of the litter boxes. What the fuck happened last night?
I pack a first-aid kit when I DD for you. What does that tell you about your partying? For what I see and do, paying my food and gas for the night is a goddamn BARGAIN.
I'm gonna go parent style on your ass... I don't ask much from you but if you could please just come get shitfaced with me I would really appreciate it
A real best friend would support the hoe in me. Not remind me of what happened the last time I slept with a boss
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