On friday while at the hotel bar by myself (creepy) I made friends w/ a millionaire who said he may be running for the position of mayor in richmond va (likely a lie). At one point during our discourse he asked if I was crazy. In the effort of full disclosure I looked him in the eye and said yes
I don't know what prompted his inquiry, clearly this man had impeccable intuition
I'm pretty sure I left my reasoning skills at home last night, and just brought anger and rage with me.
I'm sorry, but there's just something about mesh over nipples that irks me.
better yet, through the bookshelves. like an intellectual glory hole
She told me she couldnt give me head last night because she was running out of listerine
Sleepwalking naked until I was 12 made it so much easier to get away with drinking at moms now.
My life has literally become a dickpocolypse. Thank you, summer, I missed you.
a cabby told me that vodka is the coors light of liquor, and then gave me his number
Finally considering to keep my landing strip before I have sex.. I feel like It makes me look mature.
All of the texts in my phone just say "BEER". I woke up with glowsticks on my arm. What happened last night?
Mom and I are both drunk and walking around the Strip. It's like the hangover but with a lot more bathroom breaks.
She had pubes that could make an episode of Duck Dynasty. Fear the Vag Beard
Just saw my ex AGAIN. The constellation of gays must be at some sort of weird point with Mercury.
I want to fling myself into the sun
You told him he “could park his dick in your garage”.
Well he didn’t. It shouldn’t be this hard to get a penis.
Randomize