I hate you but I'm not in hate with you
Did you go home with that guy without me?
Sorry boo - it's pouring and I found a boy with a car
I forgot i ate a salad for dinner, so while i was barfing in his toilet, i kept screaming "i ate leaves?? i cant believe you let me eat leaves!"
Does it count as a shower if I just sat in the tub singing I'm a Little Teapot?
I just gift wrapped bread.
winter break is going to suck... i have to put away my college personality and transform into who my parents think i am.
I'm afraid my bank account can't handle syllabus week.
mowing the lawn. still drunk. If my dad doesn't appreciate this I swear I'm dissowning everyone including him
I just threw up trying to put pants on. This is obviously a sign to stay naked.
Considering that your "hello" was replaced with "Fuck yo couch," I'm not surprised that you have a black eye.
Also, I found out that my dad has the name of every boy that I've ever dated and their physical description, car type and tag number stored in his computer.
Apparently Angela went missing once and he says he learned were to look first and that it's best to have information on hand.
And by pregame I mean drink heavily and watch Russian dash cam car crash vids
I felt like... 50% confused and 50% like a slow roasted flip flop.
I'm not allowed back because I may or may not have insulted his beer. And the entire Czech Republic.
Already drunk, almost got in a fight with a bunch of irish chicks. And another with canadians. On my way to get a tattoo. I plan to regret this trip.
Randomize
