Have you come up with a team name for the beer pong tournament on Saturday?
We can be the stepdads. If anyone asks why say because we beat you and you hate us.
i got excepted to unl lol
You mean "accepted".
I think he just gave me the 'I used to sleep with your sister' discount
You passed out in my bathroom last night. I put a towel over your face so I could shit without it being gay
I will come to your office dressed as a bloody mary, hug you then leave is that a good plan?
yes. bring a barf bucket too. just. in. case.
Found a girl that was gonna make out with 25 people for her 25th birthday. I was like #12. Made top half!
he looks SO much like Drake, I feel like an extreme groupie every time we have sex.
Do not shit in our house. There is no TP. I am walking to get more, if I do not return, I have probably died of dysentery after my last wagon wheel got stuck in a gulch. Tell Martha and Lou Ann that I love them, and that I passed away doing the Lord's work.
I opened a bud lite with a fencing sword last night. Yeah you banged that guy.
3 2 1 whiskey
Strip Simon Says: DO IT
WHY THE FUCK DID I HAVE TO FALL IN LOVE WITH A CONVICT
Now I’m honestly wondering if I took this kids virginity
A dozen fresh-baked cookies delivered to my dorm AND I don't have chlamydia or gonorrhea... Could this night get any better??
I’ve wanted to home wreck him since their wedding. It was a dream come true
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