If this wasn't a work function my tits would be out already.
Do you think she will like "you don't have to swallow this time" gift certificates for Xmas?
Its not like i paid for sex. She was stuck there, we simply exchanged rides.
I'll be there soon. I expect Advil and a bucket of kittens when I arrive.
Already at the river; already getting fucked up. And yes that semicolon is legit because those are congruent statemests
im so hung over everytime my dog barks the sound vibration makes my whole body hurt
I woke up in confetti... confetti and shame
Is it inappropriate to be Drs. Willy Fister and Jess Hewill as a couples costume for Halloween?
Oh we're gynecologists
We also had a full on debate about how realistic and useful teleportation and time travel would be...and only used Twilight Zone episodes as "scientific evidence"
Not gonna make it. My ovaries are playing laser tag
Did you get any pics? And I can only imagine how inferior you must have felt knowing that somewhere in that room was a guy whose penis was the length of your forearm.
Peeing in taco bell cups is part of the fun of going to taco bell
Pretty sure keeping my vibrator in the same drawer with the weed makes it work better. I fall asleep almost immedi
Apparently the guy with the moaning gf that lives above us is in my DES class... AWKWARD
sometimes i just have a bad day n consider lowering my standards
Randomize
