That was rough. We had a 50% puke rate and 100% still drunk rate at lunch
Hey sorry about saying i hated you. it was the coke and the ice cream.
Yeah, but thats the third time she's peed on me.
I'm in the line at the airport trying not to vomit on the person in front of me. Happy Tuesday.
he just came in and straightened the chair and left again
sitting on my lesbian neighbors couch, sexting, & eating a burrito.. that single
I want him to be the Hulk to my Brooke Hogan this Halloween. Can I ask him to be my daddy this weekend?
Only if you say it like that.
That point of drunk where you're in a bar bathroom and you're like "F*ck you bra! I'm not taking your sh*t anymore! and you take it off and throw it in a trashcan.
Was it just me or did you also find it awkward when "glad you came" started playing on pandora right after you finished?
When we were done he got down next to the bed and I thought he was Tebowing. He was hitting a bong that he had already loaded and hidden under the bed.
Getting a blow job while breaking up with my gf helps cope with the pain... Kinda weird her best friend is giving me the BJ
What is the proper Father's Day protocol when you're sleeping with a guy who has kids?
I don't know where I keep finding these guys, but mi power bottoms es su power bottoms.
Lynn just told me "I heard about your divorce. Condoms or morning pill your choice and I'm buying". Sorry but I got plans now bro.
Oh my fucking god!! There is a barefoot white guy with a fucking ninja sword in the middle of the street next to the pride gas station swinging his sword at peoples cars!! He almost got me. 3 people swerved off the road and stopped. I told a cop.
Randomize
