don't worry about the neighbors I'm like 99% sure all that snow covered a good portion of our vomit
how can getting a pizza be this hard?
when you've been drinking 14 hours anythings impossible
You passed out in the bathroom with the door locked. Had to take a shit in your litter box. Don't worry, your cat buried it for me.
Double fisting Gray Goose bottles. We've officially ruined her.
First I must say that I am disappointed to learn that you knowingly have trashy friends with whom you've not hooked me up.
You defs just slept for 6 hours in a porta pottie. You should probably just kill yourself.
I hurt so much. Not in the emotional way, but in the I went to dive bars sorta way.
my phone went off during the middle of it and he ask what i was doing. he wouldn't let my reply with "your boss". ..
Sorry i vommed in a cup next to u w out warning.. Actually im not that sorry cuz i didn't spill a drop LIKE A PRO
I just found 20 dollars in my vibrator box. Was it a drunken sign to myself to get more?
Do one night stands count towards my number?
Yes. A penis is a penis
Even bad ones?
YES.
Good god you suck at this wake up call. Seriously. If I can, after consuming enough vodka to subdue a russian soldier, muster up enough motivation to call you in the morning and send you naked pictures the least you could do is pick up.
I'm giving head in a stairwell, I'll be back in a few minutes. I'm so ashamed.
I wrote myself a note last night telling me to tell you that you're the best person ever, and asking you not to tell me what I did, I think I'm trusting my drunk judgment on that one.
Do you know who these girls are? They're baking a cake, making chicken enchiladas, and bringing me beer everytime I finish one.
Randomize
