We discussed our relationship status. We're dating exclusively. And the conversation was followed by him saying "C'mon baby, let's make you orgasm!" .....I'm gonna marry him.
on a brighter note, the strip club found my atm card
i left after you tried to balance a shot of tequila on your head while screaming at the bar tender that you fucked his girlfriend
I don't care if shes your sisters age. Once someone is on my to do list theres only one way to get them off it
If you haven't seen a huge black man in tiny red snowflake shorts that barely cover his dick, then you don't know what I'm going through.
I'm sorry, our booty call lines closed at 2 am. If you are receiving this message it is our off hours. Please try again between the hours of 12pm and 2 am to reschedule your booty call. Thank you for your cooperation.
My attempts to make you laugh have failed exceedingly. Naked snap chats it is
Ps I just used the "If you give a mouse a cookie" defense in a real life situation. Suck it
We had half a pitcher of beer left and he asked us if we wanted a to-go cup. Fuck yeah we want it to-go.
You know you've got awesome issues when the main deciding factor of whether or not to cut your nails depends on nacho consumption in the near future
we need to invent and abuse teleportation
My roommate walked in naked grabbed my hand and pulled me into her room to see her randoms dick.
NO ITS THAT IM A SEXUAL DEVIANT AND CANT FILTER MYSELF
I'm having shoppers remorse over a dildo
Ya that dick wasn't worth burning a perfectly good pizza.
You live and learn.
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