I want leopard sheets
haha sexcapades
thats the plan
Well listen chief - never again do i want the scenario of going to the ER totally naked and partially drunk to b a possibility.
I wanna get so fucked up that I try to catch a coyote in a pillowcase, breakdance fight a lion, and send back some toast at Denny's when I see its slightly burnt.
Planned Parenthood should have gift certificates.
I just got eleven picture messages of my dick and balls hanging out of my shorts last night. I guess it really is summer when the fratastic, man-thigh exposing shorts come out...
Bro i heard that. I've seen so many balls this month its like march madness all over again
Im about to shotgun a beer using my mother's knitting needles. home sweet home.
Needing to keep one leg on the floor during sex so you dont spin should qualify for some kind of drunk award.
I have to be at work in a hour. Can you sufficiently fuck me in 35 minutes?
He's not replying to my booty call. Like wtf. You have ONE PURPOSE IN LIFE.
You were ¾ of the way through the first pitcher of margaritas then you turned to me and said "Wow I can barely taste the vodka!" And then…….
...Then...
Then I told you margaritas are made with tequila not vodka. You whipped the pitcher at the wall and ordered another one
No apologies necessary. Just give me sex and Pop Tarts, and we'll call it even.
I'm all dressed in my outfit from last night, and I'm not even the sluttiest person in Walmart right now. God bless Miami.
Basically one minute I'm sucking on her nipples and then 45 mins later we're at work and she's my boss.
I want to be a supportive friend to her, but I also want to sleep with her ex now that he's single.
getting my period the day i moved was my bodies way of saying 'congratulations youre not leaving town with anybodies babies!'
Randomize
