brad dismisses pussy with prejudice
He keeps looking? I tried to shag. I invited him to this table but he went to ze other one! If he shaves his 'tache I would totally hit it.
Why can't we have signs that automatically flash on our foreheads that say not interested when gross ugly guys come around, like those glasses that get dark when the sun comes out?
He didn't speak any English, but I think I caught the word turtle in there somewhere.
Why would he say turtle mid-fuck?
he came on my stomach and it was 1000 degrees in his car. i smelled awesome.
i lnow ive slrrwsdy teted you this. but goddamn girl on tv is a good song
My mom and I are having a "yay I don't have herpes" shopping trip day
Halfway through he got an idea for a short story so he wrote it in magic marker on my boobs. Yeah, he's a keeper.
He spent $1100 at a strip club. If I had that kind of disposable income, I'd make a cocaine sandcastle.
It's really sad that I'm trying to calculate in my head the type of place to have dinner that's worth anal
The plan was to get laid... Now the plan is to survive.
My high school reunion is Thursday so I need to find an outfit that says "Haha, you got fat and I got tits. Suck it, bitches."
Thanks for that golden cinnamony goodness that flowed from your fake tits last night haha
Can we relax the "married man" rule just once?
mid-sex she goes "oh my god. you aren't even going to remember my name in the morning, are you?". And i was so wasted that i straight up told her "honestly, I don't even remember your name right now"
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