I am spending my child support on dildos
Honestly, I've had enough of his asshole to last me the new year.
Please tell me you're talking about his personality.
i mean, not my actual scene but if someone says "PARTY" ill figure it out
Also when i was high i would close my eyes and see a puppy on a grill having pancake batter poured on it.... And for whatever reason it was fucking hilarious.
And as cleavage season comes to a close, so blooms a new season of yoga pants. And the people rejoiced.
There's glitter in my speakers, piles of cheezits on the floor, a random Audi in the driveway and a homeless dude napping in a lawn chair in the backyard. Wtf happened last night?
I mean, the sex was awesome last weekend, but I didn't even imagine I'd reached ovarian rupture status.
Due to last night I think a roommate constitution should be made. The first law will be designed to prevent any chicks below a 4 to enter the house.
Dad just asked me to breathalyze grandma
I am taking a candle lit bath, blasting some tupac and smoking a fat bowl. This is how every night should end. Did you go take a piss in his car yet?
he pushed me in the lake knowing full well I had joints on me. that's drug-abuse!!
I think I've forgotten how to blink. Help plz?
Omg. I'm living macklemores best life. I have someone's granddads dog, I'm about to have someone's grandmas car. I look incredible.
The only thing good about being back at work is the lunch time hand jobs from the MILF
WAIT YOU’VE NEVER BEEN TO COSTCO???
COSTCO IS MAGICAL
I can’t believe you two made a group text to scream at me about Costco.
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