Don't get me started, it sucks when the one thing you have in common with a girl is not wanting penis inside you.
Good. I hope they all got E.Coli from snorting coke off of some homeless prick's asshole.
So I was about the only one NOT pregaming or stoned at my aunt's funeral... Maybe thats why I'm the black sheep.
Who's nuvaring is under my pillow?
Has my life seriously led me to day drinking on a Monday the third week of the semester?
It's after 5, it's not day drinking.
I am coping with the snow storm with beer and shots of jack. If I were outside in shorts I might be able to pass as a Canadian.
Honestly I was sitting in managerial accounting thinking "I really need to get my shit together and stop drinking so much wine." But when you asked I realized... it's wine. It's always a yes.
Not only did she fulfill a life long dream of mine of banging in a library, she bought me subway for lunch. I feel like I got the best gold star ever today.
Don't remember anything. Melissa just said I kept saying welcome to the bat cave
I don't want the fire department to come out here twice in one weekend because of your god damn vape.
Just an FYI you do have to wear pants to lunch
Don't tell me I can do whatever makes me happy while also saying I have to put on pants.
As soon as he called me 'darling' in that Scottish accent... my pants just dropped.
I told her I'd rather set my hair on fire than sleep with her again. In retrospect, that was probably too harsh. My eye is still swollen shut.
Ooooh no. Jesus take the wheel, or Moses. SOMEBODY TAKE THE WHEEL
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