This hangover is way worse than all my relationships
I'm going to start telling people I'm a sophomore so they stop asking me about college and what I want to do with my life
She's dressed as a slutty Dalmatian. I doubt she has morals.
I blacked in at 6:30am on the last stop on the train with a random fedora on? And I'm pretty sure I rode in a limo last night while eating pizza
I need to stop ravaging the freshman dorm like a virginity-snatching dragon.
idk man, i just want to be a bad influence for future generations
him crossdressing on the weekends is awkward but not a deal breaker for me.
I'm taking ecstasy it's gonna be that kind of Vegas trip
I just got the most majestic image of a potato sack full of dildos getting whipped at your head in slow motion.
I'm really tired of this guy walking his chicken in my neighborhood.
It's official. Post baseball sex is better than post hockey sex. I hope the Blue Jays win the world series.
My apologies. I'll try not to let my dick interfere with official work duties in the future.
I'm going to reward myself for having sex with coffee and a breakfast burrito.
I'm not gonna swipe right, he has better hair than me. Just no.
Woke up from a black out in a strangers Jeep without phone, shoes, or wallet.
Randomize
