You don't need id to drink rum in an alley.
okay serious question, the water is shut off in your house, do you attempt and use the clean toilet water for your new bong?
There are GROWN MEN with fake HP wands flinging curses at me in Walmart.
That's funny. Are they weird looking???
OF COURSE THEY ARE WEIRD LOOKING, THEY ARE STALKING ME IN WALMART. WITH. FAKE. WANDS.
Remind me if I threw up on you last night or if that was just a dream.
Guess who is playing his new drum set when his roommate gets home to teach her a lesson about binge drinking to the point of being taken to the emergency room?
Note to self, stop going out with self absorbed bisexuals
Only in my life does a conversation about Hanukkah lead to sexting
I feel as though I look like a mom with a substance abuse problem
I just pawned the ring from my ex boyfriend to replace the ring I lost from my current boyfriend. #thanks
Is it appropriate to send an apology gift to his roommates for breaking the bathroom sink during crazy sex?
This will never work. His dick is smaller than mine.
Wow. And yours is kind of small.
RIGHT?
As of right now, my vibrator and a bag of snickers share the same drawer
Oh fuck, I'm officially a cougar..he's got the same name as my grandson
I could see the visible disappointment when she saw my penis
Give me the sexing that I truly desire and I will reveal to you the mysterious location of the PBR's
Randomize
