Im at strip club and am horny
just took my exes job. there should be an award for how many times I've managed to fuck that girl's life
some guy just pulled a dress out of a fax machine...I have no idea what the hell is going on
I think I've hugged the toilet more times than I've hugged my own family members.
I miss your penis. I'm telling you this as a friend, like its just a really great penis. You should be proud of it.
when you wake up in a apartment hallway wearing someone else's shoes, you can pretty much assume last night was a success.
My name in their phones is "That Girl". If i can't get it to go away, I might as well live up to it.
Please stop hiding condoms in my house. If I want to have sex with you, I will let you know. FYI, my mom found the ones hidden behind the milk. She was not happy.
I think I shall call his penis Gatsby. We talk about it all the time, but I never see it.
Just saw some dude tumble down the stairs of the bar while leaving...fist pump...and then sprint down the road
At first I was horrified but then he explained that he shave a "soul patch" on his balls... And I was still horrified, but I went with it.
My new hobby is moving his stuff to random places in the house. Good luck making a smoothing at 6:30 in the morning, the blender top's in the dog food container
May the power of my ass compel you!!
I'm in jersey with marbles.. He's blasted about to fuck a manatee and his entire family is trying to stop it. His mother punched me in the chest for not trying hard enough
I took the beard trimmer to my balls this morning.\nMuch blood. Much blood from my scrotum.
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