I fell asleep next to my cousin and woke up with my hand in her pants because i though it was lisa
He said I taste like butterscotch, licked me, then I'm pretty sure he wet his pants. So no, I do not want to invite him over.
Got a thumbs up from a trucker for doing lines on the interstate. God bless america.
The TA leading my study session just said "now get outta here. I need to get drunk before class"
I told him I had to grab my Swedish fish from the car before they froze. Then I just left. But the fact that he knew how important it was not to have my fish freeze almost made me come back in....almost.
As soon as he came we went to Dairy Queen. That drive through lady was very condescending about our "just fucked" ice cream.
You think you're smart. You're pretending to be asleep to save yourself from my hormonal pms mood swings. Unfortunately that only works against bears.
I'm gonna eat you out. But for science
I woke up with what appeared to be LSD in my pocket. Know anything about this?
Can cross "get fingered at a state park" off my bucket list
"Only you can prevent yeast infections."
it's pizza time hurry your sexcapades
I opened my bookbag to put my laptop in and I found two granola bars and a pregnancy test. I am clearly prepared for life
like, you weren't just lying there, you were wrapped in what appeared to be the skin of a wolf, chanting doomsday prophecies
THE END IS NEIGH
Fun FACT Saturday: Semen is great for my acid reflux
this bedazzled flask is my best investment yet
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