I think I just was a dick to Paul Rudd.
I want to make a zoo with you.
Drunk. Just jacked off for the third time in an hour. I love not being Catholic anymore.
I don't believe these are real court rooms. They look absolutely nothing like law and order.
Just saw a woman with a Pomeranian in her bra. Way to step up your game Seattle.
I puked all over his apartment, then slept with the skinniest girl here. Which isn't saying much in Ohio.
Well it went from being a hug to a straight out tackle through the back door.
Woke up handcuffed to a half gallon of beam. Yep. This is my life.
i walked in on you eating. you had the fridge wide open and you were rotating between steak and handfuls of captain crunch.
I felt like in order for him to make it to mordor and destroy the ring, he'd have to make sweet sweet love to me in some form of hut or cave.
So this is where people who peaked in high school come to drink?
It would seem she's painting a bullseye right in between her legs
I made out with that lesbian chick for a blunt. NO REGRETS.
So what we learned was that it doesn't matter how skinny the stripper is, if she sits on your knee with a torn acl for two hours it's going to swell up
Double high-fived his wife and her sister on the way out. If I'm not the best mistress ever tell me how.
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