she was wearing a cheetah print one-piece and i slept with her anyway. big mistake.
you ran into the room and announced "I JUST FUCKED HER IN THE ASS". apparently you forgot she left the bedroom 5 minutes before you and was standing with us all.
I wish everyone could be as happy as the people in the laxative commercials.
no, I didn't make it. Instead, i watched VH1 for... 13 hours? I use the question mark because I was using Flavor Flav's clocks to tell time after the first 3 hours.
I just found a 1/2 inch of mimosa in my shoe.
You should get more absorbent shoes.
Through drunken recall, I have managed to bring back awful memories of losing my virginity. And possibly traumatized my niece trying to get her to "learn from my mistakes".
I cannot even. Taco bell reception. Beers. New friends from Georgia.
stuck in the elevator with that hot guy from the 3rd flood. Worried he can smell my spray tan and desperation
My life now consists of 2 time frames. BV before vibrator and AD after death of my sex life.
Women are fucking wierd. I have forgotten this. Divorce papers should come with a handbook.
I couldn't find the bathroom last night...so I wrapped myself in the curtains and stuck my butt out the window and peed from two stories up. Thank god I don't remember.
I am a figure skater. You should know better than to let me get drunk near any patches of ice during Olympics season.
Date #3: He brought me a mason jar full of organic weed that he grew on his property. Will you be the witness when we sign our marriage license?
One of my life goals was never to see an uncircumcised dick. I guess that's out the window now.
I'm a fuck boy trapped in a single mom's body.
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