So when exactly did I get naked and makeout with the statue?
we'll hang out once this whole, "your friends are robbers and drug addicts" thing blows over with my parents.
she came to the game with a camelback filled with booze. except it was only the bag part so she duct taped to her back
just once i'd like the "right thing" and the "topless thing" to be the SAME THING
I walked downstairs and he was standing in nothing but his boxers with his dick hanging out warming up eggs in the microwave.
I had a great penis washing session in the sink before I left. Washed off all the bar and green beer
He just asked me to pee through my panties while he watched. I might need more tequila for this one.
He kept dropping hints about giving me crabs. Like he called my pubes a nest and said he "hoped there weren't any eggs in there."
Def just hooked up with my brother's senior prom date in his bed. Does that make me the worst brother ever?
I dont think getting to 3rd base with a girl you barely know is the type of memory they had in mind when they named the park "memorial park"
and then at some point during the night I ended up holding a baby
Why was a baby at a karaoke bar, and were you wasted?
only slightly. thats not the point. it was a cute baby.
Well someone is clearly not winning the parent of the year award here
You ran out of his house yelling "I got the goods!" Then you pulled toilet paper rolls out from under your shirt.
I just started talking about how noodles were so good
I'm declaring this weekend Captain Morgan weekend
You declare every weekend Captain Morgan weekend...
You just don't understand... :'(
You'd think that a rotation of two 30 year old men could keep me satisfied... WHY ISN'T THERE A MAN THAT CAN KEEP UP WITH MY HEALTHY SEXUAL APPETITE?!
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