i just sent this text using only my big toe
the bank didn't screw up, i spent 150$ at mcdonalds last night
Look what our sorority has done to us...we're hitting on girls in hopes of getting an awesome little.
Somehow after we left in 3 different cars to all go to different places we still all ended up in the emergency room
I woke up to a shot of jager next to my face. I felt bad for it so i drank it
You know you need to take better care of yourself when shaving reminds you of sheep shearing...
I feel like these arent even my fingers anymore
I don't think you should say "suck my dick" and then proclaim to be a messiah, of any sort.
On a serious note, don't let me forget to tell you about firecracker baseball. I'm glad I have my fingers. I had to count them.
I just had sex a few hours ago now i'm eating frozen yogurt making sex plans for tonight while catching Pokémon. What a time to be alive.
Would you be so kind as to inform your husband that my truck is forever cursed by mashed potatoes and it's his fault.
So, i might have left my morals back in 2011.
Bootycalls can't go limp that's like against the law
hey can you send me that pic of that dude?...if this isn't Rochelle's phone...can you please find and tell Rochelle to send me that picture of that dude?
if I hear Wonderful Christmastime one more time I'm putting my foot up Paul McCartney's ass.
Randomize
