i love my job...i have craft hour at my desk w twizzlers
can u grab me a application
I'd invite him but there's too many people who have fucked me going already
I had to convince you not to write "happy birthday to the first guy who fingered me" on his facebook wall, right above the post from his current girlfriend's mother.
He tried to bang a 300 pounder last night. No joke. I shotgunned a tall boy in a bar cuz the bartender didn't crack the beer. Cant wait till Nashville.
Drunk in a canoe getting pulled by a lawnmower thinking of you
Sorry girl, my dick is like a rollercoaster. You only get a picture after you ride
Freshman ate returning to campus. Let Operation Slut Storm commence.
My picture of a beer can in a McDonalds cup full of ice got more likes than my relationship with her. Is beer THAT much better than monogamy?
The best way to start drinking is as early as possible. eg, this bar isn't open but we're patiently waiting outside. That way you're confident and exciting when the talent arrives. Or too drunk to care.
Exactly. Because my vagina can't be consoled with words. It requires a thicker form of communication
Just took a shot of 151, rimmned my middle finger in it, lit it on fire and lit a cigarette off it while flicking off my boss. How was your night??
It's barely past noon, how am I already talking about double penetration
I saw an episode of cops that had one of my ex husbands on it.
All I ever wanted was my bed, Tylenol, and total darkness. Instead I had a pervert with porno posters who blares german rock calling me tootsie pop. How was your saturday night?
Hey man, he's too drunk to remember what you said. What drugs are we buying and when should we expect them?
Randomize
