he sat in the bathtub shirtless yelling in gibberish for 40 minutes. funniest. stoner. ever.
In the middle of blowin me she stoppped and told me how easy it would be to insert a catheter ..... Apparently she was a nursing major
dude chill. we stole 18 hamburgers from her house
no. you cant fuck a burger.
4 months of living in europe has taught me the art of making a drunken stumble look like a dance move
He kept falling asleep with the pizza in his hand. I woke him up and told him and he was shocked because he thought he ate it all. Then he would end up falling asleep and we'd repeat the whole process again.
alright. I just need to set some ground rules, no lighting me on fire, and no broken bones. fair?
his basement wasnt heated so when i asked for a hoodie someone gave me a kimono.. i passed bc who the fuck knows where that shit has been recently
I think anything that happens between 12 and 2 am is just sketchy enough to be a good idea.
Also I like this area. Lots of places for me to get tacos.
Where are you in relation to the mariatchi band?
No sorry. I may be a happy drunk but my gag reflux is an angry drunk.
I can't adult today.
Take a nap and try again
I have to buy a couch. There's nothing more adult than buying a couch on a Tuesday.
he fucked me while wearing his "Reagan Bush '84" tank and my inner democrat has never been more disappointed
That's like a fucking falcon or some shit. I don't know birds but I know that is not a bird you fuck with.
Is it sad to eat a candy bra by yourself?
Randomize
