my new favorite insult= "thundercunt"
I have this strange craving to see a really fat person go down a slipnslide
It's going to take a while to see a dick pic that I enjoy more than richs helicopter video
Call me when you get off. I have stories about black lesbians in jail begging to braid my hair...
My vag has a bald spot. That is so middle aged. Is this my midlife crisis?
I woke up with a half eaten bag of lettuce in my hand, wearing my Halloween costume from last year. Damn you tequila.
5am, I am wayy too drunk for this. Hookers came out of nowhere. They're like ninjas. Some poor soul got the fat one, tomorrow's going to be interesting...
Just bartered a McD's cheeseburger and fries for two pitchers. Oregon Trail ain't got shit on me.
All I want is a guy who will love me and occasionally shave my balls.
Hey, you can't rush the perfect creeper shot. I need buffer time to hone my skills.
I felt like a personal hot pocket and all I could taste was cigarettes.
I woke up at 4 am to a guy curled up in the fetal position sobbing in our front yard. Oh college.
Being able to fart in her presence and not be judged is why I pay half the rent.
She looks like a character that batman would try to kill, or something.
Hungover at Subway, watching a business guy try to squeeze his way past my car to get into his. Bitch shouldn'ta parked over the line.
You truly are a temple of morality.
I am the night, I am justice, I am currently watching the fat biz guy pay a frat boy to back his car up for him so he can get in.
Randomize
