sorry about last night, sometimes people just get drunk and have sex witht heir friends
I know, I was there.
i know, but like... i wanna be a CLASSY i'm-stealing-your-date kind of slutty...
We should see who can shotgun a beer faster over iPhone FaceTime
I just hotboxed my laundry basket.
just to let you know, its not cheating if i cant feel my hands.
tell me why there is a bowl of oatmeal from starbucks in my purse
I will never swim in a flooded basement again..
Its 11am, im in the city in a pocahontas outfit, lost a heel and found a gold rolex in my lingerie.
I jumped on his cock in 2 seconds flat. Thanks mom for sending me to gymnastics when I was a kid.
When he left he said something to the effect of "well now that I've been used..." I think he may be on to me.
Ice cream after masturbating>masturbating any other time
threw up in the kitchen showroom. home depot employee of the month.
Im in my back seat in my own drive way with two beers left to shotgun and watching the sunrise. Am I over her yet?
Well, I'm hung over and my penis hurts - two signs of success
In all honesty the person most likely to secretly slip me drugs would be ... Me
Randomize
