dude on moped wearing crocs...somebody get this guy his man card back
Omg. It looks like a crack pipe exploded in your mouth.
she's got that wholesome 16 and pregnant look.
I like how my family gatherings are basically an ugly sweater party just with better beer and wine...
i was thoroughly upset that he did not want to be my number 16, who passes that number up?
Do you know how awkward it is to call the bar from last night and ask if they found my leggings?
Try and take me seriously and don't look directly at my hair or the jizz on my pants.
That girl next to you randomly said that she fits into a queen sized pillow case
WTF.
I am a woman. I need to be selective about the porn I stream on my phone. Who knows if my cell will ever get lost, who will see it and what they'd think otherwise. Keepin' it classy tampa.
I can't turn off my feet"
Idk man, we spent like 20 mins arguing about the moral ambiguity of fucking in someone else's car
Open the door and I will lure them out to freedom with viagra and candy orange slices. You know they love that shit.
Oh and he asked if I would occasionally still blow him if we had children. It was so romantic.
wait i saw you last night?
we found you ass naked on the couch covered in pillows.
dude i haven't had a solid dump since sunday and i still cant hear out of my right ear
Randomize
