i feel like a thai whore the morning after the navy left.
Oh shit. Easter I forgot. Maybe we should leave the illegal stuff for when Jesus is less present.
Like... Chilling at home with a movie, hang out? Or have sexual intercourse in the backseat if his car, hang out?
Apparently she ran into the Emergency Room declaring "ROOM, PLEASE" as if she were checking herself into Holiday Inn.
If you can't find your cat in the morning it's cause i put him in the laundry basket and then put the laundry basket in the shower.
They're doing a Bong-A-Thon for 4/20. I don't care if you quit. You are coming out of your weed retirement for this.
We were laying in the basement dry humping to the rhythm of the washing machine
Not sure. We'll pass out on that bridge when we stumble to it.
No, this is non-alcoholic oatmeal.
Woke up with his dick on the side of my face, it's like he passed out mid-mushroom stamp.
I think you are the only one slutty enough and evil enough for the job. Just go in and blue ball him. He broke my nose in Middle school. He deserves this.
You answered, dry heaved into the phone twice, & then hung up on me.
Went as "Party on, Wayne." And left as, "Partied out Wayne in a foot boot with new medical bills." Fuck Halloween...and vodka.
Well it might’ve been because you asked to play What Makes You Beautiful at the club
my gyno just used the expression "dick around." too far?
Randomize
