Every time I find out someone else from high school got pregnant accidentally, I want to declare victory over them.
He keeps apologizing for not being able to get hard when he's drunk. We havent even left the club yet.
I don't know how God could bestow someone that emotionally confused with such an awesome penis.
just spent the last 4 hours covering his room in sticky notes. Viva Drunk Thursdays.
you kept looking at stripers and saying " Go to College"
you can't tell me you didn't shit your pants I saw them in the trash can by the bathroom.
It was insane. I was drunk for 11 consecutive hours. I woke up covered in almonds and there were footprints all over my shirt
He's probably hung over. I sure as hell am. I want to pop out my eyeballs with a fork and soak them in cold water
Wow, im gonna be a great doctor..."hi let me save your life but first check out this pic of me deep throating a handle of grey goose"
Just took a shot of tequila with a random guy at the supermarket. Happy cinco de fourth.
Remember that time I got suspended in eighth grade, well it was like that but I was on acid and wearing goggles
I think pretend fucking a camel is a good thing to do downtown. They loved me.
You kept saying "this bitch", mumbled incoherently for like 5 minutes, took a shot, and kept going.
SCOTCH AND CIGARS AT THE TITTY BAR. YOU ARE COMING WITH US.
LOOK AT HOW SMOOTH THIS BITCH IS
Randomize