New years is officially the only time its okay to drunk dial your parents.
My male hookup buddy is gonna meet my female hookup buddy, let the awkward hookup games begin!
I met her at the liquor store. I hope I'm wearing a condom
I remember all the people and all the acts I just have to match the person with the act
btw you left your chapstick on the nightstand and bruises on my body...
gifts from me to you. you're welcome.
Came back with a random sweatshirt, an American flag, and a for sale sign. Mission success?
you just cant say you love him and then say you want to fuck your boss
He was peeing on the back wall of a building. He would have been okay if the building hadn't been a police station.
After we had breakup sex it took him longer to say goodbye to my boobs than it did to me...
Sex in a tree, bucket list CHECK!
why is there a shopping cart in my back seat? and a dick drawn on the side of my car?
I'm eating cookie dough with a tongue depressor for lunch.
Be there in 20. Want icecream?
sex. I want sex. I like where your heads at though.
I would climb him like a jungle gym. Enthusiastically and creatively.
Nobody cheats on THIS.
Randomize
