I miss you like a fat girl misses the prom.
If it makes you feel better he went down on me when i had a yeast infection.
How far into the semester do we have to be before it's ok to get drunk in between classes again?
I just made my bed perfectly before realizing that I'll be too drunk to appreciate it tonight
i can't believe i brushed your teeth last night. so drunk.
Well someone has to be the Christmas slut at the family dinner. I suppose it's my year to fill those shoes.
I have a feeling that watching gay porn with you was the reason I was dancing in a hurricane of floating dicks in my dream last night.
Things I have that belong to you: shorts, headband, bra, purse, chinese food, vodka, and blood on my jeans. Happy homecoming.
Too bad you can't keep me under your desk. You'd love that wouldn't you? Massages, blowjobs, and I'd be forced to be quiet all day.
ok so I've decided, new penis Thursday (formally known as new people Thursday) will need to be put on hold next week in preparation for Friday
Memorial weekend is the following week genius. New penis Thursday countdown has already begun.
HURRY. I NEED DRUNK. MORE DRUNK.
my neighbors having band practice on sunday morning is a message from the universe that I should stop drinking
Totally on the hot mess express last night. Mom said I was passed out on her kitchen floor. Told her I was drinking genuine tea.
Basically I think I'm replacing men/sex with theme parks.
It just so happens all of their names are Ryan, so I never have to change whose name I moan.
Randomize
