I just google mapped his house on satellite so i can really see how much money he has. Does that make me shallow?
i found a roscoes card in my pocket that says 'fuck me bare fo $15.20'. Wow
You know the guy who poops at a party and then leaves and you go in, do your business, and come out and there are girls outside that think you pooped and no one talks to you? I'm the guy who poops before you go in, because I'm in a relationship and I hate you.
why is there a sandwich nailed to the wall
She compared sex to doing dishes."You scrub them until they're wet."
I really wish you were half the slut you're sister was in college
You fell on your face and the waitress just brought you a fresh drink
Even though we had just had to physically take her off of someones lawn she was peeing on when they came outside, she still insisted on walking unassisted the rest of the way home. It was dignity meets shit show.
If you wake up soonish don't worry. I took your dog to burger king and now we're going to see some nice girls.
Why would you hook up with someone whos known for peeibg in someones mouth
It's really sad that I'm trying to calculate in my head the type of place to have dinner that's worth anal
The things i do for you...I put all those condoms on a bed, complete with girl, and you sleep in the bathroom
His idea of a night out is drinking beer in the driveway. He's been on house arrest too long
Have you ever wanted to murder the Sun? To bring the life-giving fusion reactor to a bitter end because of the sheer agony it brings to your eyes as it keeps you awake. And for waking the birds. Fuck birds.
Apparently during my blackout I walked over to Troy, grabbed my crotch, and said “Eat Fresh” while his GF was with him. FML
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