You're not pinnochio. Lying isn't going to make it bigger.
Hey its bob the builder. Where did you go?
I just said that Oprah is crazy and like 5 fat white girls jumped down my throat. I sat back and smiled.
Wow, haven't had to deal with the 'stoned at the dinner table' scenario in a while
Remember when you picked me up from my walk of shame with a bike, I came out wearing a Ninja Turtle costume and you let me ride the pegs to thoroughly display the embarassment
If I'm not up by 8, will you please knock on my door?
That depends, can you stop texting me while you're masturbating?
Touche.
I CAN STILL HEAR YOUR VIBRATOR.
If I had a dick as big as yours. The world would be an oyster. An oyster smaller than my big penis
I JUST WANT TO HAVE MILDLY SOCIALLY ACCEPTABLE SEX WITH HIM AND CALL HIM CUPCAKE.
Is it acceptable to cry on a Friday or am I supposed to drink to forget it?
I fell asleep after the worst sex of my life and now I'm snowed in with him. SEND HELP. CALL FEMA. GET ME OUT OF HERE.
What if everything solid was made of oreos and everything liquid was wine
I just got chills
I tried to prevent a bar fight. By convincing a guy whacked out on Molly to slap the ass of everyone who was arguing and shout "WOO" each time. I'm proud, surprised, and intrigued that it calmed everyone down so quickly...
I have done everything sexualally imaginable with that umpalumpa
You're the only person I know who would go to New Jersey to give a blowjob and I have so much respect for you for it
WHEN THE HELL DOES ANYTHING IN OUR LIVES *EVER* GO AS PLANNED???
Randomize
