we were taking shots of hot tequila, which is even worse than it sounds
U of I kids don't fist pump to Sweet Caroline. Get me the fuck out of here.
she was throwing up and singing "I HAD a feeling that tonight was going to be a good good night." And yeah she was still in her dress.
I walked outside out to find her peeing in her toga with a cigar in one hand and her thong in the other
When the cops knocked on the door, he just knocked back and announced "house keeping"
I found a fried uncrustable on the table from last night.
She didn't talk for 45 minutes. We finally convinced her to open her mouth. There was a flower in there.
Our new goal for this summer is to fuck so hard we lose his security deposit.
He'd pee in it. And since it's PBR I'd have no idea
to answer your questions bluetooth, 30ft, like a tampon, ask her, her idea, got tired of trying to find her in crowed clubs
I'm now having weird sexual fantasies about that riverdancing figure skater. So thanks for that.
Tomorrow's Mother's Day and the only thing I can afford is beer and the McDonalds dollar menu. Do you think a Budweiser and a Big Mac says thank you for me fucking up your life since 1990?
You guys go ahead and have your romantic night. I'm gonna keep my vday tradition alive of angry banging a stranger.
First day in a very long time I've done more pushups than bong rips
She was going down on me before I had a chance to tell her I arrested her brother 3 hours earlier
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