You kept shouting "Relax and take notes" every time before you would hit the blunt
he was so high, he talked to my goldfish for an hour telling him the dangers of overfeeding.
I need a DD tuesday morning around 9 AM
I'm scared to ask why.....
1st bikini wax. Jose Cuervo is helping me prepare.
I get way too drunk to be trusted with family heirlooms
He told me I had nice tits + they have a great shape. + then proceeded to flatten my boob + show me what the gross tits he's seen look like.
I'm deep cleaning my room right now. Not sure if it actually needs it or if I'm just trying to symbolically cleanse myself of the last 24 hours.
He broke up with his gf yesterday so he could give me our annual Christmas sex at midnight.
Marry him. Now.
Thanks man, but unless some hot chick comes in to work with a case of beer and offers me a head job, I'm pretty much screwed for New Years
ur not supposed to find someone to make out with when ur bf takes u to his SISTERS house to hang out with her and her husband
I woke up wearing my panties and an eyelash, soo I'd say your birthday was a success.
Is it weird to invite your FWB to thanksgiving dinner??
Drinks have officially taken priority over self-respect, and I'm not even all that torn up about it.
He is saved in her phone as Sir. Mindfuck <3/ vag cleaner of course I need to meet him.
There's a little game I've come up with since the mess of a party I had; it's called "tinsel or condom wrapper? (or: what's that on the floor?)"
DRUNK COOKIES
Are you drunk or are the cookies drunk or are these cookies that get you drunk?
Yes
Randomize
