i think blowjobs on the first date are perfectly acceptable. as long as you dont go dick to mouth.
Just did a line with a monopoly bill. Tell me I'm not fancy.
She asked me to cum on her. ON her. I think we're out of the friend zone
when i'm drunk i think im just gonna point at him and yell adultery is a sinnnn. youre going to helllll
dont worry it didnt get any better. she locked herself in his room and was screaming at the top of her lungs "IM GUNA PEE ON YOUR BED"
What are you doing? Did I punch you in the face last night?
dude there's no way we're going back in there for your puke shoes
second roommate of the year to get clamydia. go life.
I'm starting to think my role in the world is to inject batshit crazy, mentally unbalanced chicks with a dose of normal sperm.
Anxiously awaiting my period drinking Hershey's syrup from the bottle. Don't judge me
You're not stopping till I see you on the ground trying to hold on to shit
But if you were going to pour a liquid on your naked body in fall its definitely pumpkin inspired something.
You have to summon your inner elephant
Apparently I called him, said "vodka" and then hung up on him.
"Fuck all you guys I'm going to be Cameltoe Spider-Man for Halloween."
Randomize
