I just woke up to crumpled tissues everywhere. Looks like it was another night filled with tears and semen.
it feels good to walk into a CVS and not go straight to the pharmacy counter for plan b. its been a while....
FYI don't ever, ever get a lap dance from a stripper who says " she's having a bad day " at a bachelor party.
I never thought I would say the free bottle of grey goose was the problem but it was
Ya I guess if we compared our actions now with our actions 2 years ago. We are definitely in a constant state of shit showness.
Yeah I fingered her in the crowd and the dj saw it and gave me props over the speakers. I got so many high fives.
A homeless guy wouldnt accept my granola bar because he didnt have any teeth. I think i win the prize for the ultimate rejection
Remember the bouncer that knocked out Dave and Sam? Apparently his day job is a florist. Uppercut and fresh cut in one package.
Exactly. Stay back and unsubscribe from her
Just seen a chubby version of you. Nearly kidnapped her. Perfect woman
I just wanna have sex and go to Denny's after is that too much to ask for.
We got really high and he took a green marker and made my vagina into a Christmas tree.
You spent the whole night conversing with your zombie poster, so I'd say you were pretty far gone.
is it bad that I see hot guys I wanna sleep with as challenges instead of actual people?
yes. but it works for you
Don't come up here. Strippers r crying.
Randomize
