I just had to explain to my father, how having two screens plugged into my computer doesn't use more internet.
I told him that he is like a snow storm I never know when he is coming, how many inches I will get, or how long it will last
on of the only things i remember was the security guard told me i was too drunk for laser tag.
I realize now that I left my pants on that table in the downstairs bathroom at you house on Tuesday....
Idea for the cake. Joints for candles. Do it.
I was passed out in a dog food bowl tor two hours. Just tapped my dinner beer. I love homecoming.
I figure a girl that drinks as much as I do should always have pregnancy tests on hand
And we just chatted casually as i peed on the floor and she peed in the toilet
It has been so long since I got any action that I have decided to change my vagina's name from "the chamber of judgement" to "the cave of forgotten dreams".
Yeah but then I feel like it's worth it like bro you just stabbed me the least you can do is get me a fuckin otter pop.
What kind of scumbag goes to a baby's 1st birthday party with a black eye? This kind. Me. I'm disgraceful.
He said I taste like cake. Like funfetti. So I feel like if he doesn't come back for that he's just dumb
Fuck me I smell like cheese
my hair smells like a mixture of fireworks and rotten eggs with a hint of shame. it's so strong it's keeping me awake.
Got a blowjob while watching James Bond's "Octopussy." My 13 year old self would be so proud
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