Jennifer and I just ate like 4 jello shots w/ a guy dressed as inspector gadget. We are still in the capital building btw
I love Texas.
When you're about to leave, tell him "bye." At that point, he should say something. If he doesn't say anything, well, our drinks were free and he gets a free make out with yours truly.
white trash bash was a total success...cops shut it down twice and her hair stayed in rollers all night..she never broke character
My poo smells like dog food. That's how I know it was a good night.
Dont judge me. He may have been ugly but he was INCREDIBLE. He's like the Susan Boyle of sex.
Maybe not, but you have to admit watching him get hit by the car was gratifying
Dude, they're still mid-coitus. Pretty sure running in to high five my roommate mid-thrust is a mood-breaker.
I can never go back to Jacksonville. We think I may have punched a child in the face while on acid...
The token old dude at the show tried hitting on us by telling us his favorite rapper was Cayenne West.
I can't remember dinner
Hahaha "rub in the ketchup on your face, It'll just look like blush." some gay waiter said that to you, and you go "good idea!"
I like how I just yelled in the window at Mcdonalds drive thru, got his number and then fucked. it was like I ordered a happy meal that only can be had after midnight.
I'm a great relationship counselor. My vagina will let you know if your relationship is gonna work or not.
Well I didn't know she was a dominatrix...so I kind of just went with it
Like, yea, let's talk sexy but also...LOOK! I SAW A CAT!
Christ I forgot how flexible you need to be for a decent sext pic. Jesus.
Randomize
