tonight i'm making a christmas tree shaped shot pyramid
do you wanna get some fucking pussy tonight.....THEN DRESS LIKE IT
He used my blackberry to make a voice recording of me orgasming, then set it as my ringtone while I was sleeping. I discovered this during a staff meeting this morning.
When sleeping with someone new: should you hide the magnum condoms, or let him know what he has to live up to?
Yessssssssss. I got taped to a couch last night apparently. I also thought i was close to scoring after talking to some chick about hard boiled eggs
I totally just found ecstasy floating around in the bottom of my purse, it's almost like good karma from the time I lost that blow...but not quite
He rode my dog to the bathroom and wouldn't stop laughing once he got in. It was scary.
You were air-planing a joint into my mouth while I was crying naked in the bath tub.
Best Friends For Life.
I am just pathetic enough to be sitting on the couch with my cat drinking absinthe and vodka watching moulin rouge. Hello, tuesday night.
I can't even remember the last time I took my own pants off
So after he broke the crutches and got us kicked out of McDonalds, we stole a bike and when we got back to the hotel, he jumped out the window into the bushes.
Yeah when he is drunk, he seems to think he is Captain Americas Canadian counterpart, Captain Canuck
Don't worry, I'm sure your thrusting skills are on point.
YOU TOOK A FUCKING SNAP OF ME TRYING TO PEE! I'M GOING TO FUCK YOU WITH THE BUSINESS END OF A RUTED RAKE!
So is seeing the guy's penis that I'm talking to something you're into or nah?
Hey do you care to explain why there are 3 empty pickle jars next to me when I woke up or do I even wanna know?
Randomize
