I was in the bathroom and her cat just looked at my penis with a profound hatred.
thought so. i woke up and he was playing with my eyeliner. I MAKE GREAT CHOICES.
Kicked off drink for Jesus month by puking in my mouth while talking to my priest...real cool
I have an excuse to be a whore in Mexico. I'm conducting an experiment to see if small dicks are caused by the poor drinking water.
Trust me man, I did not put any cookies down your pants when you slept.
I was short on money so I let my roommate mase me for $60
Don't you realize there's more to life than sex and pizza rolls?
I'm to the point that I've had the revelation that its physically impossible for my arms to be attached to my torso.
He said it was fake. Like really? Hey baby, I wanna sleep with you, so here's a picture of a fake tiny dick
We almost ended up sober because of u!!
Masturbating to the DNC live stream. Not my proudest moment
don't let your emotions get tangled in that sexy beard of his.
I promised her before I left that I'd make good choices and then got drunk and fucked my best friend and her boyfriend.
Hey I know we haven't talked in a while, but I wanted to thank you for those m&ms you bought me for Christmas. Sorry I never got you anything then broke up with you.
Let me set the mood for you. Do you remember Britney Spears in her Hit Me Baby One More Time era? Well I just fucked this college girl I shit you not her name is Persephone and she looks exactly like Britney Spears back when she was hot. I might be in love.
Randomize
