my sisters under your porch take her home
Word to the wise: learn how to ask "What is my bail posted as" in French before traveling abroad.
i was trying to find the best way to say come over and have sex, without saying it.
it's so much work when my dad takes my car to get fixed, i had to take out the bottles, condoms, and my pipe
Sure, fine. Daughter just told me she is not a virgin anymore. I am gonna start drinking now
while being fingered today, I was told I have an abnormally deep g-spot. Now you know, I am a size queen because of SCIENCE.
I positioned my bed perfectly so around 10 a.m. every morning there are rays of sunshine coming through the window in my room. Now i can tan while PTFO.
A Bum and I jusst hugged. its not even 8 pm.
I poured everyones drinks into the ice bucket and then stuck my face in it. Apparently I'm a greedy drunk.
They switched jackets and you didn't notice. You made out with both of them and had no idea
He has a bed frame and a headboard.... That match his dresser and nightstand...
Hahah. That's good.
I feel like you don't understand the severity with which this weirds me out...
This strange Italian man told me he wants to take me for ice cream and kept calling me "tomato" from tinder
I'm terrified that I'm going to have a baby with a guy who posts snapchat stories while ignoring my texts
I am playing in the snow in my bunny outfit. GET OVER HERE
Soon to be ex is nowhere to be found. Her attorney/new BF just showed up. 30 minutes late looking hungover. Pretty sure I'm getting the kids AND the house!
Randomize
