Dude, just got a bummer.
What??
A blow job from a homeless chick.
I wish there were whore gnomes that cleaned our apartment when we were gone.
That should be a holiday. like easter. but bulges instead of baskets
he looked like jesus. just the kind of jesus i would have sex with.
We're official. Living with your boyfriend sounds so much better than fucking your roommate.
at one point last night, you were literally auctioning me off. "reeeally drunk hot girl ! we'll start the bidding at an ice cold corona. oh, we have a bidder! do i hear a shot of whiskey? going once, going twice.."
youre welcome
I think all I remember saying is, "I love Chris Berman's voice" and then I passed out
then he asked me if i wanted to "handle his wingman"
It's all coming back to me. I drank moonshine from a milk carton from a guy named tomohawk last night.
Slutty summer 2013 has officially started. I did accidentally bite a dick though.
no, you don't understand how much people deal here. All I had to say was "hey lets buy a bag" and he pulled over instantly, then the randoms in the car behind us pulled over and sold us a bag.
Are you okay?
I went home with a 38 year old guy in a kilt, do I look okay!
I'm so drunk. Remember me this way.
Just get over here and light metaphorical fireworks in my literal vagina
my bed is a shrine, and I am its goddess.
Randomize
