Feel like bed is flying. Not sure where we're going. Hope there is candy.
I know it's getting bad when I wash the bong more often then the dishes
the clerk said it was the first time she had ever seen someone walk in the next day to return the tux still wearing the tux
..and it was like all of a sudden I could hear the sounds my brain was making
Hey I came back and we made joints with the breathalyzers the cops left last night.
Just picked up an ounce of keif and if it goes to waste before the world ends I'm gonna haunt the shit out of somebody when we all die.
YOU ARE TAKING ADVANTAGE OF MY INEBRIATED STATE
YOU ARE DRUNK AND USED AND SPELLED THE WORD "INEBRIATED" CORRECTLY. I AM TAKING ADVANTAGE OF NOTHING.
I CAN'T HELP THAT I'M MULTITALENTED YA FUCKER
So I just realized I have three bananas, seven condoms, three lube packets, three tampons, and a shot glass in my bag but no pen #modelstudent
All I'm sayin is that I don't want to raise anything. Or deal with anything. Or having anything come out of my vagina. I mean, I don't think that's asking too much.
Well I just finished dry heaving so I think breakfast is a little further out for me
Normally, it will inspire me to work. Today, it's inspiring me to masturbate.
I'm using emojis for drug deals now. It's time to kill me.
It was probably bad to sleep with someone just to pet his dog right?
woke up to two girls crawling on top of me forcefeeding me bacon. Best. Hangover. Ever.
His sex game is strong it’s like a warlord’s dick! you know what I mean?
Nope
Randomize
